The past week hasn't really been happy fun times at Amy central.
Reading this post by a former Amherst student about her sexual assault and the administration's response (majorest of trigger warnings, in case that wasn't clear) brought back a lot of stuff for me: anger, sadness, frustration, despair. I've worked on a post about it, but unlike my post on chronic illness, I don't feel like this one has a nice arc or point. Or rather, there's several points, lots of emotions, some rantiness, some long narrativity, and I just don't know if it's something that anyone would want to read––I don't feel like I'm really contributing anything important to the conversation. Is it worth sharing my own experience, even though I'm still damaged and hurting and don't have a nice happy "I survived, you can too" ending? Thought loops, over and over. So that's all been on my mind, and I'm still not sure whether I'm going to finish that post or not––it's hard to write it, because it's such a personal thing and I tend to just ramble on for way too long and go off on tangents and it doesn't always make sense. But I may decide it's worth sharing anyway, because who knows, maybe it can help make life a little easier for someone out there. If I do post it, I'll be sure to put it behind the cut so y'all don't have to read it, because it's really, really not beauty blog related (well, in my case it kind of is, but I can't imagine that the general blog reader cares to read about that shit). If you feel strongly one way or the other, let me know.
The classes I'm taking this term are required, and not really in line with my particular interests, which can be really frustrating. Especially because I am still a perfectionist, though better than I was (silver lining of chronic illness, I guess), and I tie way too much of my self-worth up with my grades. So yesterday, when I got back my stats homework and got an 8.95/10 and a snide comment from the grader, I just broke down. I feel like I'm barely staying afloat between teaching, research, my own classes, and the still very present chronic illness. I think I'm just going to have to relearn to be okay with "good enough". Fortunately, the boy and my mother are both very understanding, so I do feel like I have a good support system. But yeah. It's been a blue time.
Which made it all the more meaningful when I got a package from the wonderful Liz yesterday. She sent me a bunch of goodies, including a lovely pink blush from Canadian brand Annabelle, and I was just so grateful to receive it.
So many goodies! That, along with the awesome package I got from Larie earlier in the month (neglected to take a picture of that, but it had oodles of perfume samples and another pink blush), just makes me so thankful I could cry. I've "met" such wonderful women through this blog, and I'm still so amazed that y'all are willing to put up with my verbosity and spasticness and weird obsessive phases. So thank you. Thank you for reading, thank you for commenting, and thank you for reminding me that life has beauty and friendship and love.
I'll hopefully be back to my normal cheerful self soon, but until then, I'll be comforting myself with vanillic perfumes, rooibos lemon cloud tea, and plenty of cuddles. And I hope everything is going well for you!
Reading this post by a former Amherst student about her sexual assault and the administration's response (majorest of trigger warnings, in case that wasn't clear) brought back a lot of stuff for me: anger, sadness, frustration, despair. I've worked on a post about it, but unlike my post on chronic illness, I don't feel like this one has a nice arc or point. Or rather, there's several points, lots of emotions, some rantiness, some long narrativity, and I just don't know if it's something that anyone would want to read––I don't feel like I'm really contributing anything important to the conversation. Is it worth sharing my own experience, even though I'm still damaged and hurting and don't have a nice happy "I survived, you can too" ending? Thought loops, over and over. So that's all been on my mind, and I'm still not sure whether I'm going to finish that post or not––it's hard to write it, because it's such a personal thing and I tend to just ramble on for way too long and go off on tangents and it doesn't always make sense. But I may decide it's worth sharing anyway, because who knows, maybe it can help make life a little easier for someone out there. If I do post it, I'll be sure to put it behind the cut so y'all don't have to read it, because it's really, really not beauty blog related (well, in my case it kind of is, but I can't imagine that the general blog reader cares to read about that shit). If you feel strongly one way or the other, let me know.
The classes I'm taking this term are required, and not really in line with my particular interests, which can be really frustrating. Especially because I am still a perfectionist, though better than I was (silver lining of chronic illness, I guess), and I tie way too much of my self-worth up with my grades. So yesterday, when I got back my stats homework and got an 8.95/10 and a snide comment from the grader, I just broke down. I feel like I'm barely staying afloat between teaching, research, my own classes, and the still very present chronic illness. I think I'm just going to have to relearn to be okay with "good enough". Fortunately, the boy and my mother are both very understanding, so I do feel like I have a good support system. But yeah. It's been a blue time.
Which made it all the more meaningful when I got a package from the wonderful Liz yesterday. She sent me a bunch of goodies, including a lovely pink blush from Canadian brand Annabelle, and I was just so grateful to receive it.
I'll hopefully be back to my normal cheerful self soon, but until then, I'll be comforting myself with vanillic perfumes, rooibos lemon cloud tea, and plenty of cuddles. And I hope everything is going well for you!
