On Medical Leave, Chronic Illnesses, and Guilt

I cross-posted this on FB, with minor differences, so if you're friends with me there, you may have already seen this. If you're not, you should friend me! Email me (beyondjustbeauty at gmail dot com) for my full name, if you don't have it.

Some of you already know this, but: I'm taking medical leave from grad school for part of next year. I have lots of feelings about it, and because I am ultimately an extremely verbal person (a linguist, verbal? say it ain't so), I decided to write about them. If you don't care about the minutiae of my experiences with chronic illness(es), this is not the post for you (and if you wonder what I'm doing posting about something so clearly non-beauty-related, *points to title* *and {personal} tag*). But email me! Or comment? We should do a package exchange (! because getting mail is GREAT, though as my friends can attest, I am absolute shit at getting things sent out promptly; I currently have two packages for friends that I meant to send before I left for the south in June, but...they're still works in progress. Sigh. Definitely don't message me unless you're willing to put up with my lackadaisical pace, that's for sure).

"They Don't Have Great Attention to Detail", or: How Sephora Failed Me Thrice

Remember how I wanted the crazy Dior tie-dye blush?

this guy!

Ebates* was having 16% back at Sephora for their anniversary (though it seems I somehow restarted my Ebates-Sephora session, as I never got the cash back notification; fortunately, as you'll soon see, it's a moot point), so I pulled the trigger and ordered it. A few days later, I gleefully opened it, only to discover they'd sent the wrong shade.
*affiliate link

poached from my Instagram; I don't know why sometimes
my phone decides photos should be the wrong direction.

So I called and got it resent and returned the original. The second one came several days later (damn you, holiday weekend), and guess what?

This time it decided to orient itself correctly, at least!

It was the wrong shade! I received it after a few very rough days, and it was just about enough to break me entirely. I called again, and the customer service rep said he made a note to be extra careful about sending the right color and reminded me to be sure to send back the wrong one so I wouldn't be charged twice (he also called me "hon", which annoyed me––I'm calling with an actual problem, dick!). He finished with, "Let's hope third time's the charm!" (This is what I might retroactively call foreshadowing.) I figured I would wait until I got the replacement so that I could keep the packing tissue from the original to use in a package I had to send, and because seriously, you screwed up twice, I'm in no hurry to get your package back to you. At this point, some friends (some of you!) said they should give me both shades for free. Whatever, I thought. They're a big company, their customer service isn't great, it's not worth the hassle.

Then the third one came. Guess what?

I now have 10 photos of 3 unique wrong Dior blushes taking up
space on my phone. #thanksobama

Yep, it was the SAME WRONG SHADE. At this point, of course, it crossed the line into farce, so all I could do was cackle. Hysterically, of course, because this was supposed to be a nice pretty (very, very expensive) present to myself, and it somehow became a tragedy in three parts. (My brother's response is the quote from the title; he is a master of understatement.)

I tweeted Sephora and tagged them on Insta, and got a response from their Twitter but nothing has been resolved. I may need to call again, but y'all, I fucking hate phones. Just, so much. I've already had to deal with them twice, and on top of all the upheavals in my personal/professional life (I'll probably do a full post on it, but the short version: looks like I'll have to take medical leave from grad school, because #mylifeisawesome #ohwaitthatmightnotbetherightword), I think if I call them now, I'll end up sobbing on the phone to some poor person with no power.

So now I've got two Sephora packages on my kitchen table, both containing the same wrong shade. In an ideal world, they'd let me keep one of them and send me the actual correct shade (though at this point, I'm not sure they're even capable of it) free of charge. Barring that, though, I'm going to return them all and wash my hands of it. And of Sephora, as much as possible. (Customer service, you're doing it wrong.) I guess Dior and I just aren't meant to happen, sigh.

ETA: They finally got back to me! "We are truly sorry for all the inconvenience [...] In reviewing the item, an error with the skus caused a mix up with the shades. We have placed the sku on hold to fix the issue. In the meantime, we have processed a refund [...] Please expect to see the refund posted to your account within the next 5-7 business days. And we have added an extra 500 points to your Beauty Bank. Please use the free merchandise label to send the incorrect products back to us at your convenience. Thank you again for your patience throughout this process." In other words: "We're terrible at our jobs, but here, have a bunch of points you can use when you surely shop with us in the future! PS Send our stuff back thanks." Hello, Nordstrom, let's be friends.

What's your worst customer service story? How do you feel about talking to people on the phone?

The Absurdist Beauty Scenario Tag

I should be doing corpus stuff, but instead, I'm gonna do this tag. Look at me, posting again! (Don't count on it to last, though.) You should read Larie, Liz, and Lily's answers, too.

1. You have to get rid of all your foundations and only keep one high-end and one drugstore; which do you keep?

Welp, there's no drugstore foundations that match me, and I've yet to find a high-end one that matches, either. Right now I mix NARS Sheer Glow Siberia (too yellow) with MAC Matchmaster 1 (too dark) and it's mostly okay, though mixing is kind of annoying. If someone were sadistic and cared way too much about restricting my base makeup choices, I would probably take my chances with a white foundation (I've got my eye on Manic Panic's once the NARS runs out) and the MAC. Though I'm hopeful that the new NARS Luminous Weightless Foundation in Siberia actually matches the Radiant Creamy Concealer in Chantilly, as it looks like it does based on Temptalia's swatches, and doesn't slide off my oily face, because one-and-done would be ideal (minus the fact that it's $48 fucking dollars and it doesn't even come with a pump, goddamnit NARS).

And, as usual, I manage to say too much without actually answering the question. Buckle in, y'all!

Lately

So it's been 3 months since my last post O_o How time flies. I've obviously not really been feeling the whole blogging thing, and don't know if that will be changing anytime soon, but wanted to check in and say hi anyways. Hi! Lately I have:

–Been learning Python, using How to Think Like a Computer Scientist (highly recommended; it's the only tutorial thing I've tried [and I've tried several of the big ones] that scales up difficulty at a manageable pace while still explaining a lot of different concepts)

–Been running subjects, and coding subject data, and teaching undergrads how to code subject data, and checking their coding, and working on conference abstracts and running models and trying to write a program to find phonaesthemes in Turkish (I've been running into problems with it taking up too much memory, blagh) and reviewing R and all the other fun things that experimental linguists get to do

–Continued translating a Turkish fairytale (Sevdalı Bulut, by Nazım Hikmet) with the help of my Turkish teacher. We hope to finish the line-by-line glosses by early spring term, and then I'll work on translating it into more natural, poetic English. Having never done anything translation-y before, it's very different from just learning a language! There's a lot of artistry in it, and it's been an interesting challenge. Our plan is to recruit someone(s) from the art department to illustrate it, and then work on getting the rights to have it published. Whee!

–Finished teaching another term, with another great set of students. Teaching is great, guys. If only it paid, like, twice as much.

From one of my students

Holidaying

Happy holidays, everyone! I hope you're all having a marvelous season. I've been absent around here for awhile, as usual, but here's some pictures of what I've been up to.

Final day of the (8 day long!) strike

Lions from a visit to the Oregon Zoo

On Striking and Organized Labor

Today, I spent 4 hours holding a sign and walking in a circle in 35 degree weather. I walked approximately 10 miles, shouted approximately a billion slogans (slight exaggeration), and it was exhausting. The lead-up to the strike, and now the reality of the first strike in our union's 38 year history, has been emotional, frustrating, challenging, angering, and so very tiring. I've been posting regularly on Facebook, and thought I would share excerpts here (self-plagiarization ftw!); it's completely non-beauty-related, but it's hardly the first time that's been the case...And as usual, an excess of emotions results in an excess of words, so it's pretty long. Enjoy?

November 21, 2014 – 2 weeks before the strike

There's been a lot of misinformation spread about the impending GTFF (Graduate Teaching Fellows Federation) strike, scheduled to start Dec. 2. The UO administration has repeatedly misrepresented the current contract, their own offers, and the bargaining process thus far, including taking credit for inclusions they fought hard against and lying to international students about risks to their immigration status if they strike. For an excellent summary of some of the more pervasive lies, see: http://gtff3544.net/bargainin…/clarifying-misunderstandings/. A number of department heads, including Linguistics, wrote a letter to the upper-level administration, which you can (and definitely should!) read here: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/…/HeadsAndDirectors_Lette….

If you are an undergrad and have a GTF (which, as we teach 1/3 of UO classes and 98% of "special sections" [discussion sections and labs, primarily], is practically guaranteed), you can read up about how the strike might effect you here: http://gtff3544.net/bargaining-fa…/letter-to-undergraduates/. Unlike the Provost, the GTFF can not send out emails to the entire university community, so if you are an undergrad/spend any time with undergrads, please do consider reading it and sharing it.

There are many things about this that make me angry, but I don't want this to become even longer than it already is, so I will just say:

We teach your classes. We grade your tests. We mentor your students, do your research, keep your university running. And 56% of us make less than the UO's own cost-of-living calculation. We're not asking for that to be rectified (the wage increase proposed only applies to the ~250 lowest-paid GTFs out of a total of ~1500); we just want to know that if a medical emergency occurs, we won't lose our jobs and health insurance, and that if we decide to have children, we have options besides taking time off or leaving school entirely.

And, for God's sake, maybe some indication that the University of Oregon values education, not just athletics and administrator salaries.

Hi

Fact: it's been a month since my last post. It's not a lack of things to write about that's caused the hiatus––I've got product reviews, comparison swatches, list posts, and assorted miscellany to share. But the boy and I broke up a few weeks ago, and even planned, mutual, amicable breakups still fucking suck. Add in teaching, research, classes, and general life stuff, and you have a very tired Amy.

I don't know when I'll be back to posting (regularly, or even at all) again, but I wanted y'all to know that I'm still alive and relatively well. I miss you! And even though I'm the most lax commenter in the world, I'm reading and enjoying your posts.

Now I'm off to drink some tea and do some grading. I hope you're all enjoying the changing leaves and the consumption of the hot beverage of your choice :)

haikus

inspired by emails
with besties, here are some quick
updates on amy


moving so tiring
house great, will be better when
everything settled

beauty area
so nicely organized! yay!
will post pictures soon

made fresh fruit and veg
smoothie for dinner tonight.
yum, but meal drink? weird

give me recipes!
i love to play with cooking
bread is delicious.




another friend died
leukemia came back, saw
him in hospital

was responding well
6 days later, pneumonia
killed him. what bullshit.




regular posting
when less blah and have more time
i miss y'all! your turn:

Fragrance Friday

It's been awhile since I've done one of these, though not for lack of perfumes––I just haven't felt like testing anything.

This Monday was T's funeral, which just sucked; funerals are always sad, but especially when it's for a 23 year old who shouldn't have died. I wore Comme de Garçons Avignon (chamomile, cistus oil, elemi, incense, vanilla, patchouli, palisander, ambrette), an incense perfume. It's beautiful and meditative, and while it would have been even more appropriate had T been Catholic, it didn't feel out of place in the synagogue, either. I don't know what frankincense and myrrh smell like separately, as I've only ever smelled them together, but Avignon opens with a mildly stringent, though by no means brash, version of the both. It softens after 10 minutes or so, grounded by amber and vanilla, and while I cannot smell the chamomile separately, I suspect it contributes to the solemn quiet beauty of the perfume. One spray lasts a solid 8 hours, and the base remains for another few hours after that.

Avignon is not a happy perfume, for me, even before I wore it to the funeral, but it is...soothing, I suppose. It smells holy and serene, and I thought it was very appropriate for the bittersweet occasion; its emotional resonance encompasses both the joy and vivacity I associate with T, as well as the sadness and anger her years of pain and untimely death create. I am not a religious person, but I can see why incense has been so meaningful in so many religious contexts for so many millennia: it does conjure a sense of the divine, or at the very least, the grandness that is our universe.

I'd had it in my mind that it was painfully expensive, but it's a relatively reasonable $80/50 ml. I hope to never have enough occasions to warrant a bottle of such a somber perfume, but I will certainly consider purchasing another sample once mine is empty.

Unrelated to perfume, but relevant to this post, is Phildel's song Funeral Bell. I absolutely love her music, and this song is so haunting and heartbreaking and tragic and wonderful. Kind of like T's art.

Sadness

My childhood best friend's younger sister passed away on Thursday. She had Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and complications from a surgery to fuse her spine resulted in a coma and eventual death. She was 23.

She was a remarkable young woman––vibrant, brave, funny, sweet, beautiful, and incredibly talented. Her art is powerfully emotional (check out her site here), and the world is a worse place without her. I haven't been close with her since high school, but my memories are treasured nonetheless.  My heart breaks for her family, friends, and all of us who were lucky enough to know her. She was in terrible pain for much of her life, and I hope that she is now free, happy, and at peace.

Her funeral is in Eugene this Monday, and her family suggests donations to the Ehlers-Danlos National Foundation Research Fund in her memory.

Regularly posting will be back once I feel less raw.

Chop it Off

I cut my hair again.

I'm Just a Barrel of Laughs

You know how some weeks are just bad? Things go wrong, you feel off balance, you're stressed and unhappy. This has been one of those weeks.

I'm waiting to hear back about my second year review (turned in my personal statement and writing sample last Monday) and whether I'll be allowed to continue in my doctoral program, which is no small amount of stress. On top of that, I've learned that the Swarthmore administration lied to my face (and to my email, which is great for me but pretty damning for them) about the consequences of my filing a sexual assault case against my ex-boyfriend. They never had any intention of actually following through with the agreements I made with them, and needless to say, I am none too happy about it. ("My belly is a pit of rage" would more accurate, but I'm trying not to succumb to excessive emotion that isn't productive.) Other students are in the process of filing Clery Act and Title IX violations against the college, and I have contributed my story to the pile. I don't know if anything will come of it, and it's obviously far too late for me, but I hope that future students will not have to go through the pain (both in terms of assault, and in terms of dealings with the administration) that I have.

The thing that brought me to tears, though? Was dropping my camera when I was about to take some swatch pictures earlier today. It broke. I don't know if it can be fixed. It's an opportunity to spring for an even nicer camera, but it was definitely not what I needed today (not least because it's not even a year old!). So you'll have to wait awhile longer for the ~20 Meow Cosmetics blush and Cat Glow powder swatches I have planned (and also EOTD, FOTD, more 30 Days, and pretty much anything of interest). I'm sorry.

I'm going to go drink some tea (ordered some more Adagio samples for spring, and so far, they're delightful!), study some Turkish (color coded flashcards = teh best thing evar), and try to learn R (programming scares me). And breathe. And maybe paint my nails, even though I don't have the time for it, because fuck it: I deserve sparkles.

How are you doing?

Self-Imposed Hiatus

Alright, y'all, it's reached that point: I have to go into work hibernation. I have mind-boggling amounts of work to do in a depressingly short period of time, and I can no longer use online shopping as procrastination, because the sales are over, I need find no more Christmas presents, and Mint is very angry at me. I'm sure I'll be tempted to work on posts and not abandon you entirely, but I'm going to try to stay away––but don't think I don't love you! I do. And I will hopefully get all caught up with posting and being a more enthusiastic human being once this hellish term is over. Rumor has it there will be a giveaway to celebrate my survival, assuming I make it through, so don't go too far ;)

But, before I fall into the abyss, does anyone else think that "apothecary" ([ə'pɑθɪˌkɛ˞ɹi]) should be pronounced [ˌæpəˈθɛkɚɹi]? Doesn't that sound more awesome?

That's all. I MISS YOU ALREADY.

On Sexual Assault

Majorly personal not-at-all beauty-related information behind the cut, so if you're here for lippies and blush, I recommend reading old posts. Also, major trigger warning for sexual assault/rape, in case that wasn't clear. It's really long, and kind of sad, and please don't feel like you have to read it. (I'm also a little scared about posting this, since the internet is not always an understanding place, but it's risk nasty comments or say nothing at all, so I'm sharing it anyways.) This was scheduled to post tomorrow night, but after reading this post on the Swarthmore weekly newspaper site just now, I've decided to move it up.

Blergh

This post is an acknowledgment of, and apology for, my relative absence of late. Between my classes, research, teaching, and this damned depression (though I will say that last night cheered me up considerably!), I haven't had much time nor motivation to blog, and for that, I apologize. I'm no less dedicated to my reading of blogs and my enjoyment of makeup and perfume has yet to wane, but I haven't felt up to doing much in the way of production (the irony of posting this after my most recent post/celebration of reaching 500, it kills!). I don't plan to disappear entirely, but I will be posting less often. There are many things I would love to chat with y'all about, but most will have to wait until a less stressful time. The weekly features will likely be on hiatus, as they've been weighing on my mind in an unpleasant manner (strange how the consistent routine I prefer when I'm happy feels stifling when I'm sad, eh?), and I'm putting the monthly empties post on hold until school gets out––it'll be a doozy, though!

I'm trying to find my balance again, but I promise, I will be back. And you can probably expect to hear from me at least once a week until then. I feel really bad about neglecting the blog and y'all, but I just have to hope you'll hang around until things get back under control at Casa Amy! 

Depression and Generosity

The past week hasn't really been happy fun times at Amy central.

Coast Meanderings

Last week I went to Bandon, a town on the southern Oregon coast, with my mother as an end-of-the-year vacation. It was lovely. Here, have some pictures and nattering! (This is really pic-heavy, natch.)

On our way down, we stopped at the Pancake Mill in Coos Bay, which has delicious foods (not just pancakes!), and got brunch. I neglected to take pictures (of most of the food we ate, whoops), but if you're ever in the Coos Bay area, you should stop by! Awesome link sausage. Then we stopped by Shore Acres, a gorgeous state park on the coast. It was originally owned by a lumber baron, and was donated to (or bought by? I'm not sure) the state after he died. It's got amazing views of the ocean, as well as some truly stunning gardens.

Ocean!

My beautiful mother :)

Me, in my movie star sunglasses and glamorous hat
(I didn't want to get sunburned! And yes, it worked)

More ocean!

They decorate everything with thousands of lights during the holidays, which is apparently quite the sight to behold. This time of year, there are oodles of blooms, though sadly we were past the time for tulips and rhododendrons, and some of the roses hadn't started blooming yet. I took too many pictures. Here are some of them:

One Year Blog(g)iversary (What? Don't look at me like that, it's totally a word people use)

One year ago tomorrow, I wrote my inaugural BJB post. I wasn't sure if the blog would actually be a thing that I'd want to continue doing, and for awhile, I only told my closest friends about it (and actually, for the first couple weeks, I didn't tell anyone about it!). I've learned so much in the past 12 months, about myself and beauty and blogging, and it's hard to believe that I've actually stuck with it for so long! It's funny reading my first post, because comments like "it's really unlikely you'll find much full-price luxury stuff discussed here" and "I've given up on nail polish (I can never get it perfect, and my OCD self won't allow anything less)" have been proven so untrue (that last thanks to bent eyeliner brush, 100% acetone, and a magnifying lamp!).

One of my friends recently asked me what inspired me to start the blog. I told her that it was because I'd turned in my final college paper and was at a loss for what to do with myself, since after 4 years of endless academic challenges, it felt very strange to not have some sort of responsibility. But I've since realized that only explains why I started a blog, not why I started a beauty blog, and so I've been mulling over why I felt a) inspired and b) equipped to do so. The second can be explained by hubris and naïveté: having spent a couple years extensively reading other blogs and having an interest in beauty, I (bafflingly?) thought my comparatively paltry stash, meager budget, and relatively shallow history with cosmetics would be sufficient for adding something new to the conversation, and figured it would be nice to just be able to share some of the things I learned, both up to that point and beyond. I failed to realize how time consuming blogging is, especially if one wants to have a resource that is somewhat helpful to others, which has always been the primary purpose of this blog––most of my traffic comes from people who come upon it when looking for product reviews, and I've always wanted them to leave feeling better informed as to what to expect from the product. Whether I've succeeded or not is debatable, but I do think I've improved over the past year in providing relatively quality, reliable content. (This post is an exception; it's basically just 5 paragraphs of me navel-gazing and hating the patriarchy. Read at your own risk. Though there is a fun surprise at the end!)

Skincare Saturday: In Which I Pull My Hair

I've had acne since I was 11, ranging from moderate to severe. I have tried every prescription treatment on the market in those 11 years, some more than once, and I find that each and every one stops working after a few months (or never works at all). There are times I think I have my skin figured out, as when I wrote my Juice Beauty Blemish Serum review. I'm sure you all realize where this is going: it's not working anymore. My skin is a disaster, again.

Another Non-Post

Hello, lovelies! I just wanted to post and let you know that I'm not dead, I'm just having oodles of fun in New York and haven't gotten the chance to write any posts (and I forgot to bring my camera cord, so haven't been able to upload any pictures). I will have lots to share with you in the next few weeks, though, so get excited! I also wanted to remind you to enter the giveaways, if you haven't already! Be sure to check out the instructions for how to enter.

I'll be flying home tomorrow, and then hopefully working on some posts the next couple days. Things to look forward to: lots of food (including crack ice cream, yes, it's a thing), some high-end makeup, silly faces, and ramblings on the city.

Hope all is well in your life!